


where it all began

by galaxyksj



Series: kitten joong ☆°•~ [13]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kitten hybrid hongjoong, Mentions of Malnourishment, Mentions of neglect, caregiver seonghwa, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28397751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxyksj/pseuds/galaxyksj
Summary: hongjoong's recent behavior has seonghwa desperate for answers.hongjoong's back story is revealed.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: kitten joong ☆°•~ [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027993
Comments: 29
Kudos: 78





	where it all began

**Author's Note:**

> ⚠ 𝙋𝙇𝙀𝘼𝙎𝙀 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿 ⚠
> 
> i've been working on this for the past 2 weeks and can proudly say...here it is! i was going to save this as the final piece but i just couldn't let this sit in my drafts.
> 
> ⚠ this work will contain: 𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙥𝙝𝙮𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝙖𝙗𝙪𝙨𝙚, 𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩, and also 𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙣𝙚𝙜𝙡𝙚𝙘𝙩. ⚠  
> ⚠ i, however, did not go too into detail but please always head caution if that makes you uncomfortable ⚠
> 
> ⚠ a small but gentle reminder: 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙤𝙛 𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 ⚠

seonghwa sighs for what feels like the umpteenth time. he finally managed to get the kitten to go to sleep, each time feeling longer than the last.

for the past few days, hongjoong has been having a hard time sleeping (even during his mid-day naps) and also eating; sometimes even refusing his bottles when needed. he's also been having a hard time whenever seonghwa has to leave for work- even when he's with his sannie or yunnie hyung (the hyungs that are the most trusted to the younger)

the older watches the kitten's chest rise as his eyebrow furrow. he feels conflicted on as to why the kitten has been behaving this way for a while now. they've been keeping the same routine, the same people have been coming over. everything has remained the same. so seonghwa feels helpless as to why hongjoong has been having a hard time, to the point where its affecting his sleep and appetite.

he's broken out of his thoughts when he sees the younger's face contour in pain, sniffling occasionally as his eyes blink as if adjusting his eyesight around the room. seonghwa switches his spot next to him when he sees the kitten hold his arms up.

"my sweet baby, what's going on, hmm?" seonghwa asks- he knows he's not getting an answer which doesn't help in the slightest.

all the kitten does is hold a death grip onto the older's shirt, a small spot of his tears soaking the fabric. he nuzzles his head further into the crook of his neck and seonghwa tries his best to ignore his claws somewhat forming near his skin. "my baby, hwa is right here with you" he holds the kitten securely in his arms, patting his bottom for comfort.

the feeling of hopelessness crawls back as he rocks the kitten yet into another dreamless sleep.

\-------

"he hasn't been sleeping well?" seonghwa shakes his head as he sighs yet again (he's been doing that a lot lately)

"and he gets scared whenever you leave?"

"i haven't been able to leave the house without being called back within an hour or two from san or yunho saying he's inconsolable" yeosang taps his chin at seonghwa's words.

there's a moment of silence between the two, the sound of people around them chatting eases the tension in seonghwa's mind. he holds his still warm coffee cup in his hands, feeling grateful at the coffee warmly spreading to his stomach.

"i don't know what else this could possibly mean. i mean, he's refusing bottles, clinging to you more than normal and has been having difficulty sleeping-"

"i've even brought him to the doctors, which was a trip on all it's own..."

"and what did he say?" yeosang asked

"his doctor recommended i take him to see a therapist to help figure out the root of the behavior" seonghwa fiddled with the lid of his cup, almost ripping it off completely.

yeosang hummed "and what do you think of that?"

seonghwa sighed into his hands, shaking his head slightly "i need to help him...i don't know what else to do at this point i can't just sit back and watch him struggle"

the younger of the pair rubbed his arm in a soothing motion, the older grateful for the gesture. he needs to find a way to help hongjoong and figure out what could really be the reason for his actions. just as the younger opened his mouth, he was cut off by the sound of seonghwa's phone buzzing. the older looks down and views a message from san:

_sannie:_

sending another s.o.s text about hongjoong.

yunho also looks like he's on the verge of crying himself.

yeosang immediately goes to hug the older, doing his best to give him any type of reassuring comfort. the pair don't exchange any words, but mere shared looks that yeosang does his best to express. even though he's only seen the kitten a handful of times -and isn't close (yet) to him like san or yunho are- but he wants seonghwa to know that he will always be there for him and is only one phone call away if ever needed.

seonghwa goes to grab his jacket and practically runs out the door, leaving behind a worried but hopeful yeosang.

\------------

hongjoong mewls in discomfort at the fluorescent lighting in the waiting room, turns to hide his head in the crook of seonghwa's neck instead. he wrings seonghwa's shirt in his hands and if he moves to adjust himself, seonghwa can feel the droplets of tears hitting his skin. the older places a kiss to the top of his head.

getting hongjoong to go with him to see a therapist (one specializing in hybrids) was easy for hongjoong didn't answer him at all, and only fussed a little bit while getting ready. he feels worried as on some occasions the kitten becomes nonverbal almost as if he's regressed younger than usual. he sends out a silent prayer just when hongjoong's name is called, and in the pair walk into the room with the door closed behind him.

hongjoong merely whimpers staring up at seonghwa with big teary eyes. he looks like he wants to say something but is too afraid to open his mouth; garbled mewls are the only response.  
  
"my name is dr. chae it is a pleasure to meet you" the doctor placed his hand out for the older to take.  
  
seonghwa smiled slowly "hi dr. chae my name is park seonghwa and his name is park hongjoong, he took my last name when he came into my care a few months ago" he nudged his head down at the kitten all while doing his best to soothe the mewls of distress.  
  
"well it is lovely to meet you both of you. so, tell me, how are we doing today?"  
  
seonghwa sighs "we've been better if I must be honest" hongjoong only snuggled deeper into seonghwa's hold mumbling incoherently to himself.  
  
"and what have we been seeing lately?"

the older absentmindedly stroked the kitten's hair down "lately hongjoong has been having a hard time sleeping and even eating. he really only accepts bottles and sometimes actual food but now it's always turned down. I have to do my best to give him something I could never let him go to bed starving.  
  
while I go to work, my two closest friends watch him for me. it took a while for him to warm up to them but now he feels comfortable him. but lately, hongjoong has been having difficulty with me leaving. it's gotten to the point where i can't leave the house for more than an hour and when i come back it's to him in hysterics which takes me up until the late hours of the night to calm him down."

dr. chae scribbles some notes on his paper, stealing a few glances at the kitten in seonghwa's arms. he notices the grip hongjoong has on the older's shirt, his face stained with tear tracks (as more spill down) and his eyes red and puffy. he takes a while to study the papers that were tucked in a manila folder.

"let's start with his behavior on a regular day...how does he behave?" pen secured in hand, ready to jot any notes down.

"well..." seonghwa begins "he normally wakes up in a good mood, only occasionally waking up grumpy, and when he does wake up grumpy, it takes only a few minutes for him to shake it off. on days where i have to go to work, my friends come usually an hour or so early to make him comfortable. usually when he sees them come over, he knows that that means i have to leave; and at first, it was difficult, but over the course of time, he's gotten quiet comfortable with them and ensures in their trust.

on days where i don't have to work are usually pretty easy days. i still keep a routine for him but nothing really too over-the-top. he's been in my care for i would say...about 4 or 5 months now and i know there are some aspects where he isn't comfortable yet but i always remind him to tell me if he feels scared or nervous."

the doctor hums "and since you mentioned that you frequently remind him to tell you how he feels, how is he with his vocabulary?"

seonghwa takes this moment to look down at the kitten, his expression never once changing. he runs his thumb over the middle of his eyebrows to soothe the still nervous kitten.

"for the most part it's broken words but i am able to piece what he's saying and when i do, i repeat it back to him with the proper pronunciation. he does have vocabulary limitations of a young child, so occasionally it is hard for him to express how he feels. and i know i shouldn't be doing it, but i can usually tell what he needs or wants just by looking at his facial expressions, and i help him. i should be letting him tell me, i know, but it's been hard for him lately to do so."

dr. chae stands up from his chair to lean against his desk in front of the pair. he then kneels down to hongjoong's level and lets out a soft smile "hi there, hongjoong. my name is jin i am a friend of seonghwa's. can you look up at me so i can see you?"

hongjoong burries his face further in the crook of his neck, whimpering as he shakes his head. 

"it's okay, bubba, he just wants to say hello. he is hwa's friend" seonghwa tries his best to push the younger away from his neck, which only sends the kitten into a frenzy. loud mewls fill the room, his claws protruding out and piercing through seonghwa's shirt. dr. chae backs away, letting the kitten take his time to regain his breathing; to which seonghwa is thankful for.

his arms slightly twinge in pain as he holds hongjoong closer to him, whispering soothing words into his ear.

"mr. park, has hongjoong ever expressed any issues of his life before you found him?"

"he has mentioned on rare occasions about his mother, how she left him alone in an alleyway. he's also mentioned being in the shelters but to his vocabulary, it wasn't much detail. when i brought him to the hospital that night i found him, the doctor there has shown me that he was being abused to a great length. he never once mentioned the abuse but i definitely saw some bruises on him on the first night when i went to give him a bath."

"i would like to try to speak to him myself if that is alright with you, to see from his point of view. i'll take him into a room where you can view him from the other side, but he won't be able to see you, if i have your permission." dr. chae slowly removes his glasses, letting seonghwa view his soft and gentle features.

"he will definitely have a hard time with me even putting him down, but if this will help him then i will help you." as soon as seonghwa stands up, hongjoong whines rather loudly at being jostled. the older gently takes hongjoong's hand in his rubbing his thumb across the skin as he does his best to place him on the mat on the floor. the younger shakes his head as his whimpers become louder.

"it's okay, baby, hwa is going to come back. i'm not leaving you here, i'm coming back, i promise" he gently tugs hongjoong's arms off from around his waist watching as hongjoong does his besto run back into his arms. his whimpers now expand into full on sobs when he sees seonghwa walk away from him and to the door. the bell on his collar jingling as he keeps shaking his head holding out his arms for the older. all he wants to do is go back to hwa and go home, but he can't seem to get the words out- resulting in the heart-breaking sobs.

dr. chae watches from the side of the room, observes hongjoong's reaction to seonghwa leaving the room and how frazzled he becomes. hongjoong glances at the doctor in the corner of the room and tries his best to run back to seonghwa's arms.

"my sweet baby, i'm going to come back. hwa isn't leaving you here..." seonghwa presses a kiss to his forehead, running his fingers through his curly hair.

the kitten rubs harshly at his eyes, breathes becoming erratic as he sees seonghwa turn the knob on the door. his eyes become wide as he tugs on his sleeve, his lower lip wobbling. "no 'ea 'ommy..."

"baby, i'm coming back. i am never going to leave you." he looks up to see dr. chae nodding his head in confirmation. seonghwa does his best to nonchalantly push the kitten away as in one swift motion goes to open the door and runs out the room. he knows when the kitten is distressed when he begins to call seonghwa his 'mommy'. with shaky hands, he stands by the window as he watches hongjoong begin to have a meltdown.

he's never heard hongjoong cry- nor even scream- like that before. he's scratching at the door meowing in fear for he has no idea where seonghwa went or why he even left him in the first place. and now he's alone in the room with one of seonghwa's friends who he has never seen or heard of. seonghwa looks at hongjoong with teary eyes when the kitten tugs anxiously at his tail, mewls becoming louder and louder with each passing minute.

he's breathing erratically pacing around the room, eyes wide with fear. "wan' my m-momma! wan' momma!"

dr. chae sits down on the mat where hongjoong was previously placed, his composure calm but also inviting. "you want your mommy, hongjoong?"

the kitten nods, the motion of his head shaking lets a few stray tears slip down his cheeks. he waddles over to the door and begins to fiddle with the door knob. with each failed attempt, he grows more weary and impatient. he begins to scratch at the door, whimpering in defeat when it's not opening. "'omma...wan' 'ommy 'ome..."

seonghwa can't help the few tears that slip past his tear ducts. hongjoong walks around the room, looking around in fear at his surroundings. he walks past the window and does his best to stare in. seonghwa lets a sob leave his lips as he stares right at his kitten, who has no idea he's on the other side of the wall. he's glad- and utterly grateful- that no one else is in the room with him. he doesn't want the sympathetic looks or touches. he just wants to help hongjoong. it breaks his heart to hear him cry like this but he has to remind himself he's doing this to help the kitten.

"i'm sorry, baby" he whispers as he watches from afar the breakdown his kitten is having.

\-------

it took almost 2 hours for hongjoong to soothe himself, growing quiet and tired from all the crying he's done. he sits quietly in front of dr. chae at the small table, curled into himself holding his tail securely in his hands. the doctor placed a few crayons on the table along with paper- to which the younger seemed thankful for as he clumsily took hold of a crayon and began to scribble. seonghwa watches from the room how cooperative hongjoong is being, occasionally sniffling.

"hongjoong, would you like to draw a picture for seonghwa?" dr. chae asks

the kitten nods apprehensively shyly looking at one of the crayons on the table. he looks back up at dr. chae to see him nodding while smiling then goes back to writing something down on a piece of paper. he picks up a red crayon (he remembers seonghwa mentioning he likes the color very well) and tries his best to draw the older; his drawing abilities reduced to simple stick figures.

he then goes to pick up a purple crayon and messily scribbles cat ears on one of the stick figures. he continues to draw other stick figures until he makes eye contact with dr. chae, who has been patiently waiting and watching the younger draw.

"wow, hongjoong, you are an excellent artist! do you want to tell me who you drew?" the doctor asks politely

hongjoong slowly moves the paper over to the doctor pointing at the red stick figure "hwa..." he says quietly, then points to the purple one "tha' me" then to a green one "my sannie hyung" to an orange one "my yunnie hyung" and to a yellow one "jongie hyungie" to a blue one "my minnie hyung" to a brown one "my youngie hyung" and finally to a pink one "my sangie hyungie"

"that is very nice, hongjoong. are your hyungs like your family?"

to which the kitten nods "i 'ove my hyungies an' my hwa"

"do they treat you nicely?"

the kitten nods again "they are ni'e..." he looks off into the distance, opting to stare out the window in the room. he can see the sun shining on the leaves and hears the birds chirping away. how he wishes to be out there with his hwa instead of here by himself...

"was someone not nice to you, hongjoong?"

he slowly nods, big tear drops hitting the paper of his family picture "'omma no' ni'e...'omma lef' me..."

dr. chae inches somewhat closer, but still respects his boundaries "do you know why your mommy left you, hongjoong?"

it was that simple question that suddenly made hongjoong remember everything from his childhood. soft mewls leave his lips as he clutches his tail.

\-------- [flashback sequence] --------

_hongjoong doesn't remember much from when he was born. he doesn't even remember much of his father. he always remembered it being him and his mother. he always could sense the uneasiness when he was with her; she always seemed stressed and ready to snap at the smallest occurrence. quite frankly, that made the kitten feel unsafe and nervous around her._

_she would rarely be home and when she does return, it was odd hours in the night. he doesn't even remember her coming home as he would be sleeping (or so she thought)._

_she was never one to give hongjoong the affection and comfort he needed. he rarely got changed- somehow along the way, learning how to do it himself, although not properly- he rarely got fed, not even going near the stove, as he almost got burned once, and never got the love and affection a young kitten needs._

_his mother never once interacted with him and the moments where she did, she would always scream in his face claiming that she never wanted him and she was stuck with him. he never learned how to express his emotions so he could never reply back to her. he just looked up at her and saw the anger in her eyes. he never understood why his mother hated him so much._

_out of nowhere, she began to strike at the kitten, leaving bruises and handprint marks on his arms and legs. she would scoff in disgust when he began to cry. why was his mother hitting him? why was his mother being so mean to him?_

_hongjoong was never one to speak or voice his thoughts as he knew raising even the slightest bit of voice would cause him to get more bruises added onto the new ones; and since his mother wasn't going to help him treat them, he knew to just not talk and stear clear of her wrath._

_the kitten knew it was coming to a breaking point where she would purposely not feed him. she would leave him alone for hours- even days- by himself. he had no other siblings, no toys to even give the slightest bit of amenity. he was just simply by himself._

_when he woke up one day, he could immediately tell there was something wrong in the air, not feeling quite too happy with the thick tension in the air. his mother decided to have come home and without one word spoken, lifted him up and placed him in the backseat of her car. hongjoong, oblivious to the danger ahead, basked in the comfort. he clinged onto it as much as he can before he ripped away, flinching when the door of the car was slammed shut._

_he could see the anger in her face, her eyes were widened, and her cheeks glowing red. he anxiously held onto his tail, failing to hide the whimpers that leave his lips. the car ride was somewhat quick, he tried his best to stay in one spot but it was proven rather hard as the car kept jostling him back and forth._

_the back door was opened harshly and by his arm, his mother dragged him out the car. he so desperately wanted to ask her what she's doing, but no words can come out. his mind racing a mile a minute with a billion thoughts. he lets out a small whimper, looking around at where he is; in an alleyway._

_it's nighttime he thinks as the only source of light is a dimly lit street lamp. his mother takes one last look right into his eyes, grip on his forearm becoming unbearably strong._

_"i am no longer your mother" she spits out, her voice laced with venom and pure utter hatred. hongjoong's lower lip wobbles as she pushes him down to the cold and muddy ground. he's too scared to crawl towards her, feeling his heart break as he watches his mother rush back to her car, and with no hesitation, drives away faster than the speed of light._

_the kitten has absolute idea on what to do or where to even go. he hasn't processed what just happened. did his mother really up and abandon him within the blink of an eye? he waddles over to the edge of the curb, staring down the street her car zoomed by in. 'she'll come back' he thinks 'won't she?'_

_"'omma..." he blubbers out, tail wringing nervously between his hands, his ears pressed flat. he stands there for a while, in hopes that when she does come back, she'll know where he is...right?_

_the young kitten stood by the curb for almost 2 hours, and yet no sign of his mother's car came into sight. with a shaky sigh, he waddles back further into the alleyway. he curls into himself, the only source of warmth he has. hongjoong lays on the cold floor of the alleyway and just...let's it all out. he feels scared now that he's on his own and has been abandoned by his own mother. he doesn't realize he falls asleep, the crying causing him to tire himself out._

_-_

_over the course of months has been a blur for hongjoong. he doesn't really have much memory to any of it. he's been placed in hybrid shelters almost all over town, always being the last thought. he watched as the other hybrids would be let out of their playpens and be free to run and stretch their legs. hongjoong would have to whimper loud enough for one of the employees to hear him; they always claim that they are still getting used to having another hybrid in the shelter._

_the other hybrids, however did not react well to having another hybrid in with them, always casting him dirty and spiteful looks; he faintly recalls his mother giving him those same looks. due to his inability to form a relationship with the other hybrids, he was placed in another shelter. then another one. then another one. and then another one._

_he was bounced all over the town- some were purposely ignoring his needs and wants, some were calling him nasty names and picking on him; but the final straw was the last shelter he was staying in. during closing hours, the other hybrids would take turns to pick on the young kitten. they didn't care that his mother left him, they didn't care when he started crying from the hits and blows, and they certainly didn't care when he would start bleeding, walking away when they heard footsteps approach their hidden area._

_that night, he limped over to his bed, looking out the small window. he saw the stars shining brightly in the night sky. he wondered where his mother was. he knew she left him for a reason but he has a deep gut feeling that maybe she will come back for him? he knows he should not think about her as she was nothing but mean and cruel to him. but he misses being in a warm house on the cold rainy nights. he misses hiding under the bed when it was thundering so loud it shook the walls. he misses having someone to call 'home'. he can't help but feel that maybe this is all a nightmare and he'll wake up soon to his bed in his old house with his mother giving him warm hugs and kisses._

_the next morning, he did wake up, but unfortunately not to love and affection but to sharp pains on the side of his body. he mewled out in pain when he opened his eyes to see one of workers manhandling him too roughly onto one of the metal tables. hongjoong recognized her as one of the nurses. 'maybe she will help me?' he thought. she follows with the procedures for a daily health check. hongjoong looks at her with wide pleading eyes, but all she does is let out a huff and writes down something on her clipboard._

_he knows that she sees the bruises, why isn't she saying anything? carelessly, she places her clipboard onto an empty counter then leaves the room. no matter how many times he's left alone, he can't stand the silence for it rings in his ears._

_the young kitten has no time to process as the same nurse re-enters the room, resuming her same position of carrying him then places him back into his small room. he rubs at his back, she wasn't always nice to him and hongjoong knew it clear as day with the way that she treated him but the other hybrids like one of her own._

_he can hear some of the other hybrids laughing and telling jokes, sometimes he can even hear the excited squeals of joy for when a few selected even get adopted into a new family._

_family._

_that's all hongjoong wants._

_he wishes his mother would come back so he can be in her arms once more. he doesn't quite understand the idea that she simply did not want him anymore, but he has no one else in his life except the woman who was supposed to love and nurture him and shower him with love and protect him from harm._

_he smoothes out the fur on his tail as he does his best to block out the excited mewls of joy from down the hall. the kitten can't help but think 'will that be me someday?'_

_that same night, hongjoong is jolted out of his sleep by the crashing sounds of thunder roaring through the sky. the occasional flashes of lightning guide him to see that the door to his room is slightly open. was it always like that? he slowly waddles over to the door and peaks out. nobody is in sight, the empty hallways slightly eerie._

_hongjoong knows in order for him to find his happiness, he must leave this wretched place. he receives no love or guidance here, only receiving bruises and pain. he knows he must be quick in case anyone spots him; although he highly doubts anyone genuinely cares for him here. with his cat-like reflexes, he sprints down the hallway to a single door. he doesn't even pay attention to see if this is the way out. lightning crashes as he struggles to pull the door open (he never had any exercises for his fine-motor skills) the sound of the harsh rain filling his ears._

_slamming the door shut, he takes in his surroundings._

_now he really has no place to go. with the mud seeping between his dirty socks, he trudges along down the dark alleyway; stopping when he sees light down the walkway. the bright lights remind him of his mother's car. he gasps 'is that my momma?"_

_he ignores the small pebbles he steps on as he's now running with a newfound strength. could it be? could his mother finally have come back for him? his thoughts are halted when he makes it to the end of the alleyway, the bright light now disappearing into the night. hongjoong all but collapses. he has no strength to move forward and resumes his curled position._

_why is this happening to him? why did his momma leave him? all he wants is someone to give him love protect him. he just wants his momma back..._

_the pouring rain hides his tears just the same as the thunder masks his heart-breaking sobs._

_\------------------------_

"'omma no' wan' me..." hongjoong mumbles softly, nervously biting his lower lip; it's become one of his habits lately. he doesn't even realize he's doing it until his hwa comes up to him and pulls it away from his sharp teeth. but he continues to bite and pick at his lips because his hwa isn't here to stop him.

"and how did you feel when seonghwa came and took you to his home?"

his eyes begin to water at the mere mention of the older. this is the longest he's gone (these past few weeks) without being near him and quite frankly, he feels terrified. he misses how warm his hwa is and the warm hugs he gives him. he misses his smile whenever hongjoong does the smallest task (even if it's putting his own clothes away in the drawer) he misses just simply being _near_ him, because being near him eases his worries away.

his thoughts get stuck in his throat. he feels too consumed with the thought of his hwa, and how much he terribly misses him. his lower lip beings to wobble as soft mewls escape into the silent room. he wrings his tail between his clammy hands as he pushes away the drawing and crayons. "wan' -wa..."

"can you repeat that? i didn't quite hear you, hongjoong..."

"i wan' m-my... h-hwa... i wan' hwa..." his whimpering grows louder.

hongjoong is starting not to like being in this room anymore, not taking a liking to this doctor. he's making him remember how mean his mother was to him and not letting him see his hwa. he wants his hwa. he wants hwa. hwa is nice to him, gives him love and nurtures him. his mother never gave any of that to him. but his hwa does. his hwa gives him hugs when he's scared, wipes his tears when he cries, lets him feed himself from his bottle, gives him kisses and encourages him when he's trying something new. what his mother failed to do, seonghwa came and rescued him and showed him the love and support he wanted all along.

he doesn't want his mother...he wants seonghwa, his hwa...or more importantly, his _momma._

"i wan' my 'ommy..." he lowers his head in between his hands, his shoulders shaking from his cries. he backs away into the corner, the hairs on his tail spiked as he hisses lowly towards the doctor. he doesn't like this guy even if he is hwa's friend, he doesn't like him not one bit.

seonghwa watches from the window the vulnerable state his kitten is in. even with the door closed shut, he can still heart the painful cries leaving his throat. he watches as hongjoong begins to push himself further into the corner of the walls, if it was even possible. he can faintly hear the kitten wail out for his ' _momma_ '- and seonghwa doesn't have to think twice to who he's referring to.

he remembers the first time hongjoong called him _momma_ \- during a really nasty thunderstorm and all hongjoong could do was cry out for momma. he notices it only occures when the younger is deeply stressed or overwhelmed. the older doesn't have any problems with him being called momma, in fact, he feels proud that hongjoong trusts him with his whole heart to call him by a name that holds so much meaning to the kitten.

his thoughts were interrupted by a loud hiss then painful mewl following right after. he can't stand back and watch his kitten stress himself any further, so he barges into the room.

hongjoong is the first to react. he holds his arms out making strong grabby hands at the older. it becomes a little hard to focus when the tears blur his vision "'ommy..." he wails out in pain. he's too scared to move from his spot opting to holding out his arms instead.

seonghwa doesn't hesitate as he runs over to his kitten, scooping him in his awaiting arms. "my baby, you're alright now, shh it's okay"

the poor kitten let out a sob of relief. he does his best to sniff at the older, taking in his comforting scent. the younger wraps his arms tightly, and seonghwa doesn't even once think about the pain when he feels his claws grip securely on his shirt. "m-mommy...m-mommy..."

the older placed his hand on the back of his head, securing his position in the crook of his neck "it's okay, my baby, mommy is here. you're safe, my angel" he walks around the room, patting the younger on the bottom. he can feel hongjoong's body shake from the harsh sobs leaving his lips.

seonghwa looks up to see dr. chae standing somewhat cautiously in the corner of the room. "i'm sorry doctor" seonghwa apologizes "but i just couldn't stand to see hongjoong in this state"

the doctor nods his head in understanding, escorting the pair out of the room into his office. he waits until seonghwa sits down on one of the couches in the room, then excuses himself to give the two some privacy to let hongjoong soothe his nerves.

seonghwa sighs in relief when the door is closed, softly pressing light kisses to his kitten's forehead. a heavy sigh was released from the younger's lips at the action, basking in the affection from seonghwa.

"wan' go 'ome 'ommy..." hongjoong slips his thumb into his mouth staring up at seonghwa with red puffy eyes. his heart breaks looking at his baby in this state. he can't help but feel this is all his fault for putting him through this; but he quickly shakes the thought away, as painful as it is to hear hongjoong cry in pain, he needs to know the root of the problem.

"we're going home soon, my baby" he wipes away the stray tears racing down his cheek "no more tears, kitten, momma is here with you" the kitten nuzzles further into the touch; seonghwa cupping his face to stroke his cheek.

he feels hongjoong flinch a little when the door re-opens and in enters dr. chae- his whimpers bubble in his throat but his momma is here to comfort him now; he'll keep him safe.

"he seems to have really grown attached to you, mr. park, i must say. watching the way he interacts with you and talks about you, he definitely has a strong bond with you" he smiles warmly at the older, gaining one in return. "hongjoong drew a picture of his family earlier" he pulls out a piece of construction paper out from his clipboard and slides it to the older. "i asked him if he likes his family, to which he said yes and they treat him nicely. that's when i noticed a change in his behavior"

seonghwa admired the drawing but turned his attention back to the door "what do you mean?"

"i asked him if there was anyone who wasn't nice to him...to which he told me his mother wasn't and how she just left him alone." he motions his head towards the kitten. seonghwa knew by the look on his face that he would prefer if hongjoong himself explained it.

the older cupped the kittens face "hongjoong,baby, please tell me what happened with your mother"

he could see the hesitation in his eyes. hongjoong let out a shaky breath as he tried his best to explain what happened in his past. how she would neglect him, yell at him, hurt him, and pretty much ignore his presence.

how she one day just decided that she could just throw him out like he was a pile of garbage. how he ended up in multiple shelters, and received little to no care or comfort. how even there, he would get picked on and bullied 'til he had cuts and scratches bleeding out. how none of the nurses did anything to help him.

but one day, he ended up escaping and sat in the alleyway for the longest time. how no one paid attention to him, ignored him just like his mother did, how the other hybrids did and how the nurses did.

_but seonghwa didn't._

he views seonghwa as his savior and loves and cherishes him for saving him.

it took a while for hongjoong to explain- with his limited vocabulary- but seonghwa is always there to piece together what he's saying.

a few tears slid down seonghwa's cheeks as hongjoong told him about his past. all he can do is cradle his kitten even further into his arms.

the younger mewls when he sees seonghwa crying; doesn't even think twice before reaching up to his face and wipes his tears away but not before leaving a few kitten licks on his cheeks.

"hongjoong, listen to me" the younger looks up at his hwa, not liking the fact that tears are falling from his eyes. "what your mother did was absolutely terrible and so were those nurses who didn't help you, but you do not have to fear anymore. hwa is always going to be here to protect you from harm."

the kitten's lower lip begins to wobble "sa' becau' of 'ommy"

seonghwa smooths his hair down "if you are feeling sad or angry or hurt because of your mommy then you can tell hwa and we will talk about it. you are allowed to speak out and express your feelings, my dear, never forget that."

hongjoong shakes his head in return "no li'e 'ommy..."

seonghwa hides the sad smile forming on his lips "and it's okay if you don't like her, what she did to you was not nice." he tilts his chin up for the younger to look at him "but if you feel stuck or trapped or scared, don't be afraid to tell your hwa and I will help you overcome it. you're going to be okay, my baby, you're gonna be okay. you'll get through this, and I'll be here every step of the way"

hongjoong feels as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders as he looks up into seonghwa's eyes. he can feel the love and support radiating off of them and surrounding the kitten.

before he knows it, he feels his eyes become watery. seonghwa let's out a soft sigh "awe my baby, you've been through a lot, I know." he wraps his arms around the younger before placing a kiss to his cheek.

"you're safe now and hwa is always going to be here to give you lots of hugs and kisses" 

the kitten nods before the sound of faint purrs fills the quiet room. he takes seonghwa's hand in his own and nuzzles against it "I 'appy I 'ove my hwa fo'ever"

"I believe that's all the time we have for today" dr. chae nods as he closes his portfolio.

seonghwa smiles "thank you so much...for everything, doctor. it looks like we both needed this"

dr. chae stands up to kneel in front of hongjoong, the kitten holding his hwa's hand tightly. "you are a very strong and brave boy for doing what you did, hongjoong. it must have been really scary making such huge decisions on your own, huh?"

the kitten nods his head looking up at the doctor. he still feels apprehensive about seonghwa's new friend, but nonetheless agrees with him "but you must remember that you aren't alone anymore and your seonghwa will always be here to guide you through the bad times. and with time, you may come to me as well."

hongjoong looks up at the older, he smiles when he sees him smile- hongjoong has always loved seeing seonghwa happy. he loves how so much love and affection can pour out just by a simple smile.

the kitten nuzzles into seonghwa's chest. he tunes everything out as he feels seonghwa adjust him onto his hip. he places his head on his shoulder as he watches seonghwa sign some papers.

a slow yawn escapes from his lips and he rubs his eyes. the older places his pacifier into his mouth, to which the kitten let's out soft purrs as he munches away on the rubber material.

the kittens eyes flutter close as seonghwa places him in the car and buckles him in. in his sleepy haze, he mumbles around his pacifier about his hwa the whole car ride.

\-----------------

seonghwa gently tucks the kitten into bed- as soon as he was buckled in, he was out like a light- and carefully slips his blanket under his arms.

he watches him for a moment- feeling his nerves ease down. he's breathing. he's safe. he's going to be alright.

the older strides over to the bed- watches his chest rise up and down, and if he looks closely he can see his thumbs tucked into the palms of his hands (a new habit he's formed).

seonghwa places a kiss to his baby's forehead, running soft circles along his cheek with his thumb. "hwa loves you so much, don't ever forget that." he whispers before placing one more kiss to his forehead as he exits the room.

he feels at ease with today's session; and trusts that hongjoong will feel comfortable to express his thoughts with him (although he always has) about a serious topic as this is.

he knows this is only the beginning of hongjoong's journey, and he will never break his promise of always being there for him.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this piece. please leave me feedback on what you thought while reading this. thank you and please everyone be safe ❤


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